With each new branch

The family tree is ever changing. Each family is their own tree. And, we are all part of that one tree but each branch has its own unique features. It is only now that I am understanding to let go of the family I once knew as I branched out and made my own extension of that family.

I was hanging on to the other branch in a hope of still feeling united but as I have grown stronger I understand that I am not alone on this new adventure, and while I still need to reach out to the other branches from time to time I have created my new portion of the tree.

I feel as though I have actually grown direct from the roots into a whole new tree. Attached to the original but growing separately and in a different direction.

At first I felt lonely

but as I grow stronger I understand that I am actually healthier and stronger than I ever was connected to the original roots. When you grow stronger you are able to rise above and find your own sunlight and not be shadowed by the others.

My children are growing beautifully and my husband has a never ending love for me and our family. It has only taken me eight years to understand I am stronger away from the family I once knew.

I have little room in my life for judgement and criticism. Love and laughter are life. If you are too busy judging others you have no room to love. What kind of life is that? Constructive criticism is great, it helps shape you. It shapes you without pulling you down.

When others put you down they are already beneath you.

Over the last six months to a year I have learned a lot about the narcissistic people who were once in my life.

I am no longer allowing these people to control me. I am finally letting go and standing on my own.

I can’t imagine how sad it is to go through life never being content with being yourself. I can’t imagine never really loving others. I can’t imagine not loving yourself. Accepting your own flaws, and the flaws of others. No one is perfect. Perfection is an illusion.

Be true to yourself and love you for you. Under the next full moon absorb the energy and take in the strength to move forward. Grant yourself permission to not always be available to others. Grant yourself permission to draw boundaries. You owe it to yourself.

Life is too precious to be wasted on negativity. Don’t let the world today fool you to think life is meant to be miserable. Embrace it. Love it. Don’t take anything you have for granted.

Be yourself and shine. No body cares. But chu. -Rinko Lee

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Who am I? Who are you?

I have no idea how to blog. Perhaps my words will be seen by none. Perhaps they will be seen by many. I bet a lot of new bloggers start off this cliche too. Ha.

To me this blog thing is kind of an online journal. A journal into my private thoughts that I can type out and perhaps sift through the clutter of my mind to one day find the inner peace we all need.

So, who am I? I am a 36-year old, married, working from home, mother of two boys. I work Monday thru Friday normal-ish hours 8-5 but sometimes I have to work later or even on weekends. Sometimes I have business trips, other times I take family vacations still tied to the phone. I do not get normal days off for sick leave or vacations but at the same time I can show up to my kids field trips, or class parties.

There are pros and cons to all aspects of life. Bored, yet?

I am also an ultramarthoner the above photo was taken during one of the 50ks I have run. This was somewhere along the point to point 31.2+ mile journey I had the privilege of running last year in Cascade Locks, OR.

With all the running I do I often get hungry and I absolutely love to bake.

Homemade chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in the middle.

Triple berry muffins for easy semi healthy snacking. Who am I kidding sure they have berries but they also have sugar and all the yummy stuff too.

Some days I feel like I can rule the world other days I am just happy the kids are fed, work is done, and I can pull the covers up and go to bed.

We all make life work according to what we need to survive. What do you need to survive?

Who are you?

Broken Daily Prompts

What isn’t broken? Everything and nothing all at the same time.

My husband says he will fix it tomorrow. It is literally everything from a leaky drain to a drawer that has come off the hinges. Tomorrow never seems to come. I am patient. I can wait.

My children’s toy breaks they ask if I can fix it. Sometimes just a needle and thread and a lovey is good as new. I tell the kids it just need some stitches. Dr. Mom to the rescue. Other times the toy is beyond repair and we discuss that not all things were made to last forever.

On the other side of this concept of broken are the inanimate items that need more than stitches or glue to be put back together.

Society

Society scared of society.
The poor with grimy loosechange palms, and knifeblade finger tips shining in back alleys.
The rich flashing perfect teeth smiles over deals that treat poor like broken parts of machines.
Old waist deep in the past.
Young their methods as clumsy as sex.
Society help society. -Me

What will it take to fix our broken way of thinking? Another school shooting, another child suicide from bullying, another video of adults beating the crap out of each other in front of kids, articles about raising nice kids, more bashing from either side?

This is all over social media lately. When does it get fixed? Waiting for tomorrow can’t be the answer.

We should be the change we want to see. We should stop sending prayers without doing something bigger.

Perhaps small gestures can be a start. If we all started on our street, in our communities, one by one refocusing our time on doing good? Sharing only stories of warmth, love, kindness, and good. Help an older person with their bags. Let someone cut in front of you in the grocery store line. Hold your tongue instead of exercising your 1st ammendment. Do we always need to say what is on our minds?

I can assure you most are no longer listening. Our voices are falling on deaf ears.

I hope for the sake of my children and all of the next generation we can find a way to come together. This isn’t a broken society from the lack of gun control, nor lack of parenting, it is a lack of a village. This is a society broken from a lack of care. Gone are the days where we respected each other. Many I know claim to be this religion or that and say they should not judge but… they do. Is this broken fixable?

I have gone on and on now but let me now share what I do.

I bake cookies for my neighbors. I volunteer in my community. I allow others to go in front of me in the supermarket, (never mind that my day too was long and tiring and my kids are bouncing in and out of the cart, you had only three items I had 40+). I work actively to help feed and clothe the homeless in my community. I even donate blood as often as I am able to do so. I teach my children that no one race, religion, gender, etc is better than the other. I take responsibility for my actions or lack thereof in some cases.

I work full time. I am a wife. I am mother. I am a runner. I am me. I am only one but even the smallest gesture can make someone smile. We are broken but maybe one day we can be whole again.

What makes life worth living?

What makes life worth living?

There is no right or wrong answer. We all have different lives, different needs, different thoughts, and different feelings. Add to that the unexpected curve balls that are thrown at us, sometimes repeatedly and we find ourselves sometimes feeling as though we are the curve ball in some downward spiral.

You can stay there or you can chose to find a way to hit that ball with all your might.

Why do we compare our lives to the lives of others? Why do we constantly try to tear down others or judge others?

I promise I will never try to run a mile in your shoes if you try not to run a mile in mine. We can never know what others are going through. We see snapshots of others lives but we never really see what they think, feel, and go through on daily basis.

When you start to have those feelings that your life sucks and the lives of others might be better than yours take a moment to think about what they may actually be going through. It often is not what you may think.

But, back to my original question. What makes life worth living? For me, the answer is helping others.

From making someone smile, to reading one more story, helping a customer, listening to a friend, making a meal for someone else, baking cookies for my neighbor those things make me feel better about the rest of the chaos I call life. For you it may be some thing totally different. We all beat to our own drum.

My life is far from perfect. But, my life is what I make it. When I fall I dust myself off and keep on going. I don’t know how else to do it. I suppose my next post I should tell you a little more about me.

Mommy wars

Do you ever wake up wondering when the parents are coming home? As though you are just babysitting?

I mean really where are the real parents? Just kidding, sort of. Not really. But, still here I am. I signed up for this parenting thing of free will. I really wanted to be a mom.

I truly do love being a mom, most days. Matter of fact I don’t really know a mom who doesn’t love being a mom at least most of the time.

We get to make a human, or raise one in some cases if we couldn’t make our own but we still love them as our own flesh and blood. Being a parent is a wonderful, amazing, hell hole all wrapped into one thing.

That being said why do we put even more pressure onto ourselves by competing? What exactly are we competing for? At the end of the day aren’t we all attempting to do the same thing? Aren’t we all just trying to survive and keep these tiny humans alive?

Breast is best. Fed is best. Cloth diaper. Disposable diaper. Crunchy. Alternative. Vax no vax. Circ or no circ. Cosleep or their own room. Working mom. Stay at home mom. Working from home mom. Single. Divorced. Married and happy. Married and miserable. We are still all moms.

We made our choices, or in some cases were in unpredictable situations but ultimately we are all just trying to survive motherhood right?

So, why do we make it a battle of the strongest, the bravest, the loneliest, the most creative, the most giving, the most loving, hardest working, most available? Why can’t we all just be moms united?

I know many moms in all wakes of life. I am sure you do too. The single mom by choice. The single mom because of fear from abuse. The married happy mom. The married miserable mom. The divorced mom. The divorced mom with a good co-parent. The divorced mom remarried. The working mom. The stay at home mom. The working from home mom. We are still all moms right? Neither one is better or worse. Neither is in a harder or easier situation.

Each is different. Each is special. Each is hard. So, why can’t we just respect and empathize with each other? United as moms.

All our kids learn to do milestones in their own way. They sleep on their own schedule. They pretty much complete us and drive us insane all at the same time. We must make a choice here and now to stop. Stop mom wars. Stop one upping. But, how?

I call on to ALL moms PLEASE can we all find a way to bitch and get along? We all need a sounding board. We do not need to fully understand each situation to empathize how hard motherhood is, right?

When the sunsets at the end of the day we all want to simply be heard, have some sympathy, and know we are doing a good job.

And, for those that are unsure you are doing a good job. We all are. Keep at it. Kiss your kids. Snuggle them. And, keep loving them. Pour a glass of wine, eat the snickers bar, pull your hair out. It will all be okay. Together united we can survive and raise the next generation to be even better.